Violence is everywhere. Someone said that once. I forget who. Maybe it was my mom. I know for a fact it wasn’t my dad. He doesn’t say stuff like that. He usually just says stuff like, “You need to think about the way you present yourself to others. It’s very easy for potential employers to Google you and find things that may prevent you from getting a job.” Then I say something like, “Dad, if anything prevents me from getting a job it’ll be the swastika that I’m about to get tattooed on my forehead. See ya later.” One night I was walking down the street and this guy who looked like a Vietnam vet asked me for a cigarette and I threw the whole pack at him and ran away. He had a very large dog. A Rottweiler or something. He yelled, “Thank you,” as I ran away. In the eighth grade there was this kid named Kyle Pearl. He always sat behind me on the school bus and one day I was just in a shitty mood and he wouldn’t stop making this sound like he was a fire alarm so I turned around and punched him in his face. His friend said, “That was uncalled for!” I said, “Shut the fuck up,” and then I got off the bus because it was my stop. When I got home I had to ice my hand because at that point in my life I didn’t know the proper punching technique. One of my favorite movies is Robocop. In the movie Robocop the bad guy Clarence Bodinger shoots the arms off Old Detroit Police Officer Alex J. Murphy in a warehouse. Later in the movie Murphy becomes Robocop. At the end of the movie Robocop gets his vengeance against Clarence Bodinger with a huge gun. It’s pretty cool. When I was in high school I used to fantasize that I had superpowers and that awful people were always attacking me and then I would use my superpowers against them. The superpower that I dreamed about the most was the ability to jump really high/do flips and shit/arms that turn into swords. Sometimes I still feel like my arms could turn into swords. If my arms could turn into swords I would milk that shit and go on talk shows all the time. They would set up things like melons and wooden planks for me to chop through. They would ask me things like, “So what’s it like being able to turn your arms into swords?” And I would say, “It’s pretty badass,” and then I would chop the table in half, which wouldn’t be a big deal because all those shows probably have really big budgets and it would get them high ratings. Then I would stab my arm through a couch cushion or something and while my swordarm is still inside the cushion I would change my arm back to a regular arm and just have the couch cushion all around it like a really soft bracelet or something. The host would ask me something like, “Have you ever used the swordarm against a person?” I would respond, “Oh no no no no. I don’t use these badboys for evil,” even though that would be really be tempting.