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I invent a machine extracts fat from flesh, a processor: compu-
ter, magneto, alternating scalpels, switches, speeds, monolithic
cube, stand in drain pan, embrace like table, bent over and
forward, arms in grooves, with fingertip flip switch: clashing
blades, sewing needles, slurping, suction, syncopation, syn-
chronization, inexpressible trustworthiness, precision incisions
masterfully stitched, utilize gauze, two weeks’ bed rest, non-
strenuous activity, gradually reintroduce solids, salve wounds
with soapy water, antiseptic liberally, refresh bandages, prov-
en success with cottage cheese, saddle bags, forearm waddle,
double neck, results will vary but all will receive noticeable
reductions, guarantee two-size downward adjustment, steril-
ize before reuse, replace needles, refill tubes, empty fat
collecting trays, you may experience nausea, constipation,
sweating, vomiting, depression, fatigue, hemorrhaging,
tremens, you will experience elevated self-esteem, con-
fidence, giddiness, deep satisfaction, relief, rejuvenation,
don’t be shocked by extemporaneous public breathlessness,
magnetism will occur, thrilling propositions, I invent The
CruciFixer which disabuses fat from corporeality, blemish
from sensuality, desuetude from energy, dowdiness from
youth, and unlocks the most unimaginable potentialities.